Why hurts; exists

Suicide bereavement is one of the most isolating forms of grief. It carries everything that other grief carries — the missing, the emptiness, the disbelief — and layers on top of it a weight that's unique: the why, the guilt, the stigma, the silence.

People bereaved by suicide are more likely to experience complicated grief, post-traumatic stress, and social isolation. They're less likely to talk openly about their loss. They often grieve in silence because the people around them don't know what to say — or say the wrong thing.

There are good therapists, good books, and good support groups. But there's very little for the space in between — the 2am moments, the ordinary Tuesdays, the car park before work. The moments when you need something but you can't name what, and you're not going to call a helpline or book a therapy session.

hurts; was built for that space.

Where it came from

I built hurts; because I needed it and it didn't exist.

In [year], I lost someone I loved to suicide. In the weeks and months that followed, I went looking for something that understood what I was going through — not general grief resources, not crisis services, not the well-meaning advice of people who hadn't been here. Something for the moments between the appointments and the phone calls, when I was alone with it and didn't know what I needed.

I couldn't find it. The apps that existed were built for general grief and missed the specific, tangled reality of suicide loss. The books were good but they sat on the shelf at 3am. The forums were sometimes helpful and sometimes devastating. Nothing felt like it had been made by someone who actually knew what this was.

So I started building.

hurts; is the thing I wished had existed. It's not my story — it's yours, and the thousands of people walking this same road. But it started with mine, and that felt important to say.

[Placeholder — Paul will replace with his own words.]

What's in the app

hurts; holds over a hundred pieces of content across several categories, all written specifically for grief after suicide.

Content that helps you understand

Articles that explain what's happening to you without clinical jargon. Why you can't stop replaying the last conversation. Why grief hits harder at night. Why anger at the person who died is normal and not something to be ashamed of. Why the question "why did they do it?" never fully resolves and what to do with that. Why your body is exhausted even though you haven't done anything.

Guided exercises

Writing, breathing, grounding, and reflection exercises you do at your own pace. No timer. No score. No streak. You start when you want and stop when you've had enough. Some are five minutes. Some take longer. All of them are designed for people who might not have the energy or concentration for a full therapy worksheet.

Night-time content

For the hours when sleep won't come and your mind is loudest. Companion pieces, gentle exercises, and content about why grief disrupts sleep and what you can do about it.

Milestone support

For the dates you're dreading. The first birthday, the anniversary, holidays, the inquest. Content that helps you prepare for what's coming and sit with it once it arrives.

Companion pieces

For when you don't want to do anything. You just want to be here, and know that someone understands. These pieces don't ask anything of you. They sit with you.

Survivor words

The voices of other people who've walked this road. Not advice. Just recognition — the knowledge that someone else has felt exactly this.

How hurts; works

The app is built around a simple idea: you're in pain, and you deserve to be treated with respect.

There's no programme to complete. No daily prompts. No push notifications nudging you to "check in with your grief." No gamification — no points, badges, or streaks. Nothing that turns grief into a task to optimise.

You open the app and you're asked one thing: what do you need right now? You might need something immediately. You might want to understand what's happening to you. You might want to try an exercise. You might just miss them. Each path leads to content that meets you where you are.

You can create an account if you want to bookmark pieces that matter to you, track what you've read, and sync across devices. But the content is there whether you sign up or not.

Everything runs on your phone or computer, works offline, and is available whenever you need it. No waiting rooms. No appointments. No gatekeeping.

The evidence behind it

The content in hurts; is grounded in established approaches to grief and bereavement, including meaning-making and reconstruction, the dual process model of coping with loss, and continuing bonds — the understanding that maintaining a connection with the person who died is healthy, not something to "move past."

These aren't presented as theory in the app. You won't encounter academic language or framework names. But the research shapes every piece of content — how it's structured, what it validates, what it gently challenges, and what it leaves alone.

Suicide bereavement research specifically informs the content that addresses guilt, the search for why, stigma, the impact on identity, and the complex relationship between grief and trauma. The app draws on work by leading researchers and clinicians in the field while translating their insights into plain, human language.

All content has been reviewed by a clinical professional with expertise in suicide-specific bereavement. hurts; is a self-help tool — not a replacement for therapy, and not a crisis service. If you're in crisis, please reach out to a service in your country.

For professionals

If you're a therapist, counsellor, researcher, or bereavement support worker, you might find hurts; useful as a resource to recommend to clients alongside their existing support.

The app is free, requires no referral, and can be used independently or as a companion to professional support. It doesn't collect clinical data, doesn't generate reports, and doesn't replace the therapeutic relationship.

If you'd like to know more about the evidence base, the clinical review process, or how the content was developed, please get in touch at hello@hurts.app.